Monday, December 10, 2012

Breathe out

Every two months I hold my breath.

Every two months my mom gets another MRI to find out if the cancer has grown yet. So every two months there’s at least one night I really can’t sleep. One day when I’m either distracting myself with work or so distracted from work it’s amazing I get anything done. One day when I vacillate between wanting to call my dad to get the news and avoiding my phone at all costs.

This month, I got to breathe out a little of that breath I’d been holding. This month my mom’s MRI came back clear, meaning the cancer hasn’t yet grown big enough to show up on the scan. Today I know (as much as anyone can know) that I have another two months with my mom.

Two more months. Two more months to keep laughing with her, telling her I love her, working on a scrapbook with her, sharing meals with her. Two more months where I can go out of town with less of a worry that she won’t be there when I get back. Two more months of plans I can make without having to break them. Two more months of this equilibrium I’ve reached. Two more months without expecting things to fall apart.

Two more months. Another Christmas. Another New Years. Another Valentine’s Day. Maybe even another birthday.

Breathe out, Katye. Two more months.


Two more months of this!

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