I've been feeling anxious lately. And there are a lot of good reasons for it - I just quit one of my part-time jobs (not my job with InterVarsity) and I'm taking classes at the local community college so I can become a nurse. I am pre-nursing, as they say.
It's a lot of change: quitting a job I had since before my mom was sick, getting back into school. And the last time big, potentially hard, change happened it wasn't just bad. It was earth-shattering, life-altering, your mom is going to die bad. So me and change aren't really good friends right now.
Today I went to my classes, and the world didn't implode. So that's a plus one in the pro column for this going-back-to-school change. But when I got home from class I was still feeling anxious. Overwhelmed. Like I wanted to sit on my floor with lots of tissues and cry my eyes out. (Which I might be doing as I type.)
And then I realized. Today is August 19.
Three years ago, to the day, my mom had her stroke, and my world DID implode. Everything did fall apart. I was able, with the help of family, friends, and Jesus, to put it back together again, mostly. But three years ago today the worst change I've ever experienced happened.
So I guess that's why I've been so anxious. Why this smaller change of going back to school has felt so big. I think that's a pretty good reason for my freak out. It makes me feel a little more sane.
What are the chances I would start school on the same day my mom had her stroke? Sometimes the universe has a funny sense of humor.
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