Role Model

I was watching an episode of Gilmore Girls recently, the one where Rory graduates from high school. (Now that I’ve watched Gilmore Girls with my mom, the show feels like a way to be close to her when I can’t actually be with her. It was a perfect show to bring with me to Madison, WI when I went there this past week.)

This episode has always been a good one, and Rory’s speech at the ceremony has always been poignant. But as I watched it again, one line in particular had more meaning than it ever has before. As Rory is speaking about her mother, she says, “I don’t know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her.” (Wanna see a clip? It’s about two minutes in on this video.)

I don’t know if my mom realizes that the person I most want to be is her. I don’t know if I realized that the person I most want to be is my mom. But this journey with her, through her stroke and her cancer, has shown me just how much I want to be like her.

Why do I want to be like her?

My mom works through her ish. She started going to therapy when I was in college, and her progression through therapy and into emotional healing inspired mine. She has done the hard work of dealing with her past, and it shows in how she copes, even now.

My mom is a quiet servant, and loved for it. I didn’t know until her stroke how many people she had impacted through serving in a United Methodist Church retreat and ministry program called “Walk to Emmaus.” She got so many cards and gifts and visitors through Emmaus – it blew my mind to see how involved and how loved she was, without me even knowing it.

My mom is patient. In the midst of her stroke symptoms, of not being able to walk, of constantly struggling to find the right word, of being unable to care for herself, she has learned to be patient, to wait, and to have grace for us when we are slow to understand what she needs.

My mom is compassionate. Even in the midst of her own pain, she cares deeply for others – whether its family, friends, or even my friends she barely knows. Instead of wallowing in her own suffering, she sits with others in theirs.

My mom is a fighter. She was a fighter when she had breast cancer 15 years ago, she’s been a fighter with my dad’s disability, and she’s a fighter now. She chose to keep living, she chose to do physical therapy, she chose to do radiation and chemo, and she chooses every day to practice speaking, walking, doing things on her own.

My mom loves Jesus. In everything she’s been through, in all the shit life has thrown at her, she knows beyond a doubt that she is God’s beloved daughter. As she prays, or hums along to worship songs, I see that she is more sure than ever that she is loved by Jesus.

My mom is an amazing woman. And so I echo Rory in saying that the person I most want to be is her.