Jabs

A week after my mom died a friend, who lost her dad when she was in her twenties, sent me a text that said, "This first week can feel really long. Seeing other people live life like the most important thing didn't just happen. So distracting." 

I really appreciated that text when she sent it - it came while I was hanging out with a lot of friends, and feeling the tension of wanting to be there while my head and heart were somewhere else. 

But the text feels even more applicable now. Now that I'm not just hanging out in San Jose with my dad. Now that I'm back at work. Now that I'm interacting with people who didn't know my mom. Now that the memorial service is over. 

I know I'm hypersensitive. I know that things people say that never would have registered before hurt like jabs with a knife. It's shocking. It's painful. Every time. It's like people forget that the most important thing has just happened.