It's been two weeks today since my mom died. And today I had to go back to work.
It was really hard - even just waking up early enough to get to a meeting was hard, especially after not falling asleep well last night (it's a new pattern; I can't fall asleep before 1:30am).
It was hard to jump back into the world of work - to think about metrics and measuring the impact of our projects after only having to worry about measuring my mom's morphine, or the number of days since she died. Even though I was surrounded by friends (well, virtually surrounded at least - the beauty of Google Hangouts) I had a hard time focusing. And the tears that I've been saving for times when I'm alone threatened to make our meeting really awkward.
I was exhausted after working for just a few hours. Being back at work was more exhausting than any day since she died. I don't know how to live in the world of work and the world of grief at the same time, even after so much practice for the last 20 months.
But tomorrow will be better. Or so they tell me.
Grief IS exhausting! It's a roller coaster, too. Hope you can be gentle with yourself.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your family and sending so much love.