Balance

It’s been five months since my mom had her stroke.

It’s been almost two weeks since we found out that my mom has at least another year.

And I’m still re-balancing.

I had found this balance in the way things were before. Well, maybe not balance, but at least I had figured out how to survive. Granted, it was crazy – I was always rushing between Oakland and San Jose and feeling the pressure of time. But I had figured it out – I had a pattern.

But now things are different – good different, but still different. And I’m having to figure out my pattern, my balancing act, all over again.

The first week after we got the good news, I was giddy. I played, I laughed, I spent time with friends, I didn't sit still. I swung back to what things were like before my mom got sick. This past week I was more emo – I cried more, spent lots of time watching television (though of my television watching was with friends – Parks and Recreation marathon two nights in a row for the win!), and ate lots of chocolate. I’ve dipped to both sides of this emotional… teeter-totter (and you thought I was gonna say roller coaster. Gotcha!), and I’ve gotten a little queasy in the process. It’s not comfortable to go from ecstatic to melancholy in such a short time.

I hope I can find my balance point. Or at least make the teeters and totters (wow, weird words) less dramatic. It may not happen for awhile, but at least I have some time to figure it out.