Doctor's Appointment

I called my dad today, to let him know that I wasn’t going to be going to my parent’s house until tomorrow, instead of tonight, and he said “okay, we can talk about today’s appointment with the radiologist tomorrow, then.”

I forgot about the appointment with the radiologist. So a part of me feels like a horrible daughter for forgetting something so important. I should have remembered, I should have thought about it, prayed about it, written a blog entry to say that it was coming. I should have done something. (Though, don’t worry, the other part of me realizes that I’m not expected to be thinking about my mom and all her appointments every hour of every day, and that it’s okay to be caught up in making pizza, and work, and the other things going on in my life.)

And then he made a point to say we’d talk about it tomorrow. Which makes me nervous. Did something happen? Will she not be able to get radiation? If she does get radiation, will she start soon? Or will she not start for awhile? Does the radiation doctor think it won’t work? Is she not allowed to get more radiation because she had radiation for her breast cancer 15 years ago? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Stop it, head. Stop guilting me, stop spinning out of control with horrible scenarios. Let me be patient, let me be calm, let me be kind to myself.